One woman said: "This guy comes up to me and says, 'Are you a
teacher?' I mean, is that supposed to be romantic?" All three women rolled all six of
their eyes. Another one of them said: "This guy says to me, 'I've been looking at you
all night!' So I go, 'HELLO, we just GOT here.' At this point all three women-and I want
to stress that these are intelligent, nice women-were laughing. Not me. I was feeling for
the guys. I grant that it is not easy being a female. But I contend that nature has given
males the heaviest burden of all: the burden of always having to Make the First Move, and
thereby risk getting shot down. I don't know WHY males get stuck with this burden, but
it's true throughout the animal kingdom. If you watch the nature shows on the Discovery
Channel, you'll note that whatever species they are talking about-birds, crabs, spiders,
clams-it is ALWAYS the male who has to take the initiative. It's always the male bird who
does the courting dance, making a total moron of himself, while the female bird just
stands there, looking aloof, thinking about what she's going to tell her girlfriends.
("And then he hopped around on one foot! Like I'm supposed to be impressed by THAT!)
My point here is that, in matters of the heart, males have the brains of a walnut. No,
wait! That is not my point. My point is that perhaps you women could cut us males a little
bit of slack in the move- making process, because we are under a lot of stress. I vividly
remember when I was in 10th grade, and I wanted to call a girl named Nisha and ask her to
a dance, and before I picked up the phone, I spent maybe 28 hours rehearsing exactly what
I was going to say. So when I actually made the call, I was pretty smooth. "Hello,
Dance?" I said. "This is Nisha. Do you want to go to the Rahul with me?"
Fortunately Nisha grasped the basic thrust of my gist and agreed to go to the dance. That
is the awesome power that you women have over us men.
I hope you understand this, and the next time a guy walks up and uses some incredibly
lame, bonehead line on you, I hope that, instead of laughing at him, you will remember
that he is under the intense pressure of wanting to impress you enough so that you might
want to get to know him better and thereby enabling the survival of the human race, which
believe me is the only thing that we males are truly concerned about. In conclusion, let
me just say to all females everywhere, on behalf of all males everywhere, that you are
very beautiful and your eyes are like two shining stars, unless you're a female fly, in
which case your eyes are more like 2,038 shining stars. So PLEASE give us a chance!!!
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